Sliver of blue

thoughts reflecting back in moody pools

slashed with amber street and dashboard blue

awash in too much to say and not enough time

hands 

and hearts 

touching

longing

wondering...what tomorrow will bring

Honestly...

Enticing half truths, and life stories
Edited for a captured audience,
Lures...lulls...lifts...
Stirs the sleeping dragon.

How dare you to look so deep
To kiss so sweet
To touch so warm
And whisper promises.

Another...
Should have
Would have
Could have

Another crack in my
Armour of glass.

Blank Verse

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Everyday is Earth Day...

...isn't it?

Except, that yesterday at midnight my cell phone plan ended. And, today, on Earth Day, I am faced with my decision to move into iPhone land. I am very excited about this new adventure, but can't help feeling karma guilt that I am doing something so completely un-environmentally friendly on this day.

I STRONGLY ENCOURAGE all who see this - whether it is April 22 OR NOT - to please do something wonderful for our Earth Mother. These are things we do at home.

* (we don't always do this one - but we should) put a bin in your kitchen sink and collect all the water you would normally run down the drain when rinsing dishes, etc... and water your garden with it (make certain you have biodegradable, phosphate free soap)
* stop using petroleum based cleaning products and explore products like Seventh Generation
* set out a barrel to collect rain water for your garden watering
* turn off your shower when soaping up and shaving, and keep your showers short
* (not always possible to do 100%, especially in Winter, but we do our best) eat locally - but check your sources, sometimes the "local" food has been shipped thousands of miles to be processed (meat in particular)
* whenever possible ride a bike, walk, take public transport and carpool to help cut down emissions.
* pick up garbage you see lying around
* take your own bags when you go shopping
* recycle EVERYTHING. (for example, the paper labels on the cans are recyclable, the cans are recyclable, the food you don't use is compostable - NO WASTE - our family of 5, for years has only put out 1/2 a small garbage bag a week thanks to composting and recycling)

OK. If I continue to do this and more, and if you will help me, then maybe I can ease some of my karma guilt and be able to enjoy my new phone.

Namaste

5 seconds of silence

They just passed, and it was wonderful.

I sometimes forget what life without noise is like.

Somewhere in the recent events of the day I remembered that I have not done any writing at all for a really long time. And so I am writing. Whatever is on my mind - just like I tell my students at school.

To begin, I went to see my Dr. again today and this time confirmed that I would not be going back to teaching for the rest of this school year. I am struggling physically and emotionally after a car accident that happened on Feb 6th. I walked away from the crash, and did not think I was hurt at all. However, I was in a little bit of shock, and by 9:30 that evening, I started to feel a lot of stiffness in my neck and a very sore right wrist. Much later I noticed a lot of pain in my hips, and all these things combined have ganged up on me. I am weak. I am ridiculously frustrated. I have attempted to go back to work 2 times and failed both times. So now, I am entering a rehabilitation program to heal my body, as well as my mind and spirit. I am not the kind of person who stops for myself. My job and my family have always come first, and sadly, in that order. I have not had - or made - any time for friends. And now, the Universe is giving me a golden opportunity to be self-focused. I am going to relish the opportunity.

The 5 seconds of silence are such a gift - and now that silence is extending into minutes as the kids have left the house to go biking. I am surrounded in noise in everything I do. Positive, creative, NOISE! I realize that there is a lot of noise in my head. So even when there is not a lot of activity around me the chaos of coping with the day and preparing for the next one rages around in my head. This is the first time that I can remember not having to actually worry about preparing for anything - except maybe the next meal and making sure the kids are on time for soccer. But relatively speaking, that is a pretty small order.

I am breathing. I am listening to the thoughts order themselves and quiet themselves inside of me. I look forward to yoga, and meditation around the physio therapy and massage and chiropractic visits. I look forward to reading in the sun and walking in the trees (when I can walk without pain - and I WILL do that).

I have written. I will write. I have slowed to think and create. I will continue to focus on those things. I will sing. I will make music. I will...be.

Namaste.

Love is the new religion

Are YOU a member of this conscious army?



Love and radiant blessings to you all.

the battle

Sack after sack of heavy sand assault
the filmy membrains of my eyelids; forcing
their heavy load upon me against my will.
Battling the torrential downpour of exhaustion,
the arsenal is empty.
I am left filling holes with helium;
repairing rents with ribbon
while murderous minutes suck the marrow of my soul.

minute by minute

"...longing for the future [is] as antilife as dwelling in the past ("nostalgia and hope stand equally in the way of authentic experience")" Jitterbug Perfume, by Tom Robbins, p. 299

minute by minute the jet stream of my life
slices through the clear blue sky
above, around, ahead and behind me.

"carpe diem"
"the power of now"
a million best sellers in the life business
telling and teaching me how to be happy

but have they any experience with this

this...rediculous power you have over me
to tear me to shreds with a glance
an unspoken thought
a half a breath

who are you that my life -
my AMAZING life - pales when
not shared with you


Oh....I have been so happy without you
and I long to be at peace inside myself
once and for all

to know
once and for all

to feel and see and hear
once and for all

but always there is the cacophony of unsaid thoughts
that threaten to perforate my brain
leaving me scrambling to gather the pulpy mess off the floor
and put it back where it belongs
but it never goes back where it came from
and I am constantly trying to hold it all in

to hold it all together

in the now
my now
without you

looking back through the haze and hurts of yesterday
and hoping against hope that maybe
this time
everything will right itself
and the power of love and trust and honour and truth
will wash away the stains
and heal my head

I long for peace
for an end to my questions
to sleep and dream and wake up well

to seize each day
with
or without
you.

Walk with me
And I will tell you
What is going on in my head.

Walk with me
And I will tell you
What is going on in my heart.

It may take hours, or weeks.
Maybe a lifetime.

And when I tell you all that I am,
What will you think of me?

Will you be able to look into my eyes?
Will you see goodness in me, still?
Will you understand my heart, and still love me?

I am afraid for you
To see that part of me
Which quakes and trembles
Beneath the surface.
Afraid to be discovered.

But, that part is only a part
Of the complicated me.
Do not judge me based on one part.
My whole being yearns to be cherished.
Accepted. Understood. Protected.

Walk with me.
Hold my hand.
Let me breathe.

Walk with me.
Forever.