Out of place in my own life; disjointed, hurting, I plough deep troughs with little regard to those whose hearts and lives are turned inside out by my labours; and, I question what lessons you claim to be teaching me.
Regrettably, we drifted apart, but now that the door is opened to you again, you claim to know me - to know my heart - better than I do. How can you possibly know how I feel?
Acrimoniously, you berate and counsel me “in the name of perfect love.” But, I remember how you casually tossed me aside like so much trash, saying you could promise me nothing.
Nothing! That our connection was not enough for you! That you would continue to be open to others who might come along to fill up parts of you that you might not even know needed filling.
Gathering strength in solace, I burrowed deep inside myself, and shut you out of my life. I told you I understood – that I could live with it – but I couldn’t. I was angry and in pain at the loss. Could I ever trust and love like that again? I did not know – or seek to know – until now.
Every time I fall in love, my heart grows. I am grateful to him for opening my heart to love – again. I have great loves in my life. I will not allow myself to walk that road again. I love swiftly and deeply and loyally. You will either grow to understand and accept and cherish me, or you will turn your heart away from me. And we will all lose. Bitterly.