Not today

Dreams that were strung like pearls on silk
Now roll across the floor, hiding in corners with dust mites
Waiting for the cover of darkness to come and eat my dead flesh.
Echoes of breathless laughter haunt the uncreated memories
Which dwell in the parallel universe of my sleeping hours
And you stand there asking me to smile.


You should have waited one more moment
And given me time to put on my mask.
The mask of courage and love I wear for you.
I need not wear it for him, for he can see
With only one eye, into the deepest reaches of my heart.
He knows the fears and sorrows better than all of us.


I see you looking sorry for me. I hear you telling me how brave I am.
You are asses, and know nothing of fear or courage.
Everyday he fights the battles of his memories
Everyday he fights the battles of whispered conversations as he passes
The none so subtle stares of strangers trying to imagine what created this beast.
And the face that looks back at him in the mirror.


I will smile. But not for you. Not today.

Loving the chocolate!

the battle

Sack after sack of heavy sand assault
the filmy membrains of my eyelids; forcing
their heavy load upon me against my will.
Battling the torrential downpour of exhaustion,
the arsenal is empty.
I am left filling holes with helium;
repairing rents with ribbon
while murderous minutes suck the marrow of my soul.

Home again

Hello to my few, but loyal followers. I have no poetry to share with you today, just a quick note to say I have returned from my epic 6 week family adventure across the USA and Canada where I have been phone and Internet free. :) A lovely experience...you should try it! But, I will go through my 1300+ photos and get something posted soon. In the meantime, check out the newest addition to our "family".

Shakespeare's Lake

sitting curled in each others arms
listening to the lazy lapping
of the cool obsidian water
as it caresses the stony shore
we watch the moon rise

under the spell of its rippling invitation
we speak our dreams aloud
breathing in the precious minutes
as we creep closer to goodbye
not knowing when we might touch again

we laugh about walking across the silvery path
that leads us from here...to where
and quickly abandon that fruitless vision
which lays waste to hope and joy
and turn, instead, to the beauty in our lives

and all the while I know
I cannot share this moon with you
in all its incredible glory
for my heart is bound to another love
and this is our moon - his and mine
but I cannot bear the hurt in telling you

you have another place in my heart
for always you will be my friend
and I am eternally grateful
for what you awoke in my life
and I cherish each moment we get together

minute by minute

"...longing for the future [is] as antilife as dwelling in the past ("nostalgia and hope stand equally in the way of authentic experience")" Jitterbug Perfume, by Tom Robbins, p. 299

minute by minute the jet stream of my life
slices through the clear blue sky
above, around, ahead and behind me.

"carpe diem"
"the power of now"
a million best sellers in the life business
telling and teaching me how to be happy

but have they any experience with this

this...rediculous power you have over me
to tear me to shreds with a glance
an unspoken thought
a half a breath

who are you that my life -
my AMAZING life - pales when
not shared with you


Oh....I have been so happy without you
and I long to be at peace inside myself
once and for all

to know
once and for all

to feel and see and hear
once and for all

but always there is the cacophony of unsaid thoughts
that threaten to perforate my brain
leaving me scrambling to gather the pulpy mess off the floor
and put it back where it belongs
but it never goes back where it came from
and I am constantly trying to hold it all in

to hold it all together

in the now
my now
without you

looking back through the haze and hurts of yesterday
and hoping against hope that maybe
this time
everything will right itself
and the power of love and trust and honour and truth
will wash away the stains
and heal my head

I long for peace
for an end to my questions
to sleep and dream and wake up well

to seize each day
with
or without
you.

Walk with me
And I will tell you
What is going on in my head.

Walk with me
And I will tell you
What is going on in my heart.

It may take hours, or weeks.
Maybe a lifetime.

And when I tell you all that I am,
What will you think of me?

Will you be able to look into my eyes?
Will you see goodness in me, still?
Will you understand my heart, and still love me?

I am afraid for you
To see that part of me
Which quakes and trembles
Beneath the surface.
Afraid to be discovered.

But, that part is only a part
Of the complicated me.
Do not judge me based on one part.
My whole being yearns to be cherished.
Accepted. Understood. Protected.

Walk with me.
Hold my hand.
Let me breathe.

Walk with me.
Forever.

corporate responsibility "In My World"

corporate responsibility
Originally uploaded by jeff topham

Jeff Topham calls this photo "corporate responsibility" and when viewed in context with the other shots in this set, the irony of this shot is incredible. I encourage you to visit Jeff's website and browse his amazing photos. http://jefftopham.com/

I had a very different response to this shot and this is what came of my feelings...

In my world
I preach the evils of the mind altering, body disfiguring
Poison
Residing in your glossy, multi-million dollar
Flare of white ribbon on red.

In my world
I preach to those who, like me, live on the stuff of dreams.
Poison
Residing in the iTouch universe where
really, we touch – nothing.

In my world
I preach to the rest of the peasants under glass.
Poison
Threatening our happy existence in the form of
Knowledge...

In my world
I gingerly slit one white-bred eye
With the silver spoon from my mouth
Which tarnishes on contact
With the poisoned air
And learn little – and nothing – of the outside world.

Playing For Change | Peace Through Music

Playing For Change | Peace Through Music

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Thank you Jeff.

you started the fire
tethered it on the end of a magic rope

wrote thoughts of love
the smoke of which drifted into my nostrils

pulling me to you
to touch and torch

eyes

the eyes tell the story the voice
cannot give rise to
for to speak the words aloud
would destroy the world we have built
so carefully
with our breath
with our tears
with the too few traces we have left
on each others' skin
fingerprints untraceable now
vanishing with the seconds, minutes, days
of the time we have not spent together

the eyes gift the truth of my heart to you
when my voice is paralyzed with grief and joy
and the hundred things I want to tell you
the words themselves damn up the river
of my story forcing me to swallow
the precious drops
until I am drowned
in my own life

the eyes grow heavy with the toil of silence
as we live together and apart
filling space with our bodies
while our minds drift on another plain
seeking the comfort of each other's touch
a breath
a tear
a touch
dreamt of and longed for
but so long in coming

Baby Blackbird

A froth of pink and blonde
Tangled in the branches
Of the still sleeping tree
Your crystalline steel blue eyes
Cast upward in earnest
As you try to climb closer to the elusive
Winged magician that has captured your
Attention in this moment.

Squealing with delight I send for the camera
To immortalize this living, loving memory
Remembering the bits and pieces of another memory
Constructed in my mind only by the words
Of the story told to me over and over again.
A verbal snapshot of my own childhood
And a stranded sister stuck up a tree.

But, you are anything but stuck
Carefully retracing the fuzzy, gem encrusted slippers
Back down the rough whorl encrusted trunk
To collect the beautiful singing bird toy
That could be the baby of the Momma you seek.
You lift your gentle hands skyward
And show off your prized possession
Only to watch her fly off to a higher tree.

My little adventurer.
My dreamer.
You live so openly.
Believing the bird will come to see you.
Keep believing my little one,
That the world will respond in kind to your advances.
And you, too, will fly higher and higher.