Come out, come out...wherever you are...

17 forever, and what of it?

Silly that I think 17 when really, I hated being 17.  So is it that I want to live in some sort of paranoid, schizophrenic chaos of wondering and questioning, and feeling all the guilt about doing things only to impress others and not being true to myself.

Drink…Drink…Drink…

And wake up on the beach

Cold, alone

And not knowing how I got there

Or, what happened in between.

I know now, in the wisdom of my

20/20 hindsight that I was indeed NOT

the only virgin

left alive on the planet

But I don’t – or can’t – regret the decisions I made.

I made them, they live in me and

Inform who I become.

Now more than twice that age, I still feel 17

Facing chaos and anxiety

Questions and confusion

Who am I today?

Who am I tomorrow?

Who am I….the Buddha question.

Who am I – a mother

Who am I – a wife

Who am I – a teacher

Who am I – a daughter

Who am I – a writer, who doesn’t write enough

Who am I – a friend, who doesn’t have time to be a good one

Who am I – a passionate live-er of life

Who am I – a crier, when angry, hurt, stressed, tired, sad

Who am I – the body who gives hugs and unconditional love to my children when they have a bump – body or soul

Who am I – the question keeps coming and I fear to dig too deeply – I fear the tears that most likely dwell in that secret place where 'I to mine own self are true' – I think it is beautiful there – but dark.  Wanting light. 

Can Lana come out to play today?

The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe

So...I've been immersed in creativity (once again) producing the show you see pictured below, while starring as The Queen of Hearts, in "Alice in Wonderland" simultaneously  (pictures to follow later).  Needless to say, no time to blog!

Happy holidays, EVERYONE!!  Much love.

More photos and the story of our little theatre available at...

http://www.sd22.bc.ca/~lobrien/http___www.sd22.bc.ca_%7Elobrien/Welcome.html

School's out for Summer!

OK...let's get serious now!  Eat healthy.  Exercise.  Read.  Write.  Love.  Laugh.  LIVE!!!

A Good Day

Not so productive at school, BUT I ended the day with another intense acupuncture treatment. Then, feeling soooooo good tonight, I went for a short run and did some great yoga with the bosu. Feeling good and wanting to keep going.

hmmmmm

It's not going well...at least in my latest desire to write and to eat healthier.  Although, I am getting to my physio and acupuncture treatments regularly, again.  And, I went to yoga last night with my beautiful friend, Victoria.  I'm not giving up on me!!  Stay tuned.

Music. My heart. My soul. A New Journey.

OK...So, I was in a seemingly unremarkable car accident a year and a half ago.  However, here I am - fully a year and a half later - still trying to recover from it.  The timing coincided with minor surgical procedure and a personal upheaval with a couple of close friends (which also is not healed).  I have been struggling to find myself.  I have put on about 20 lbs due to not being able to exercise because of pain, combined with comfort eating.  I will begin to change that today.  And this is going to be a part of my accountability...'cause, you know, now it's "out there."  :)

I am still teaching and creating full time +++  but I haven't been writing.   I will being that again today, too!

Enjoy this video of me singing with one of my students.  We were performing for the "Keep The Beat Music Marathon" to benefit the War Child Canada organization.

http://www.vimeo.com/24660840

African Noel.mp4

orange cones and high viz vests
fluorescent signs
all point the way to Progress
pulling my focus from
Autumn dressed trees in
newly oranged garments

water falling over manmade mountains
keeps pace with urban giraffes
craning loads higher - and still higher -
blocking my vision of
Autumn dressed hillsides in
vivid golds and greens

The "weapons of mass destruction"
were never found.  Or so they tell us.
But, how can we be so blind?
They surround every moment of our
existence,
threatening quietude,
and peace of mind.

reformed earth in ugly concrete
water displaced from its rightful path
Shovels on steroids - in an endless
search to find treasure in the centre of the earth -
spoon out the eyes of the helm keepers
as they build for the next
Generation Alpha Centauri.

Archeologists from a parallel universe
will bear the only witness
to undiscovered organisms as they
teach this pristine example.
The epitome of what not, to do.

Blank Verse

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Mom, what does the ocean taste like?

My kids had their first ocean swimming experience in Vancouver this summer. It was a gorgeous hot summer day and the water was perfect. They explored and paddled until they finally leapt in and started swimming. Their reaction are too funny!!

Can we swim?

Paddle harder!!

Cool seaweed!!!

Can we eat it?

Getting deeper...

Holding her breath and keeping the water OUT!!

Salty!!!!

Thickened

If your game was to steal my voice, you win.

Words flew like great winged bats
From the cavernous recesses of my soul
Out the gaping open mouth of my empty head
Into the approaching darkness.
Flying for an eternity.

If your game was to collect me, I lose.

I gifted myself like a spoiled toddler's Christmas parcel
Wrapped in shiny paper and ribbons.
Cooed over briefly, then torn to shreds,
And left in a heap on the floor.
The toy, too, abandoned for another.

Each thickens the scars that are becoming my new skin.

A quiet moment with my camera

This flower reminded me of Dr. Seuss



Another hydrangea



The view from one side of Queen Elizabeth Park in Vancouver, BC