5 seconds of silence

They just passed, and it was wonderful.

I sometimes forget what life without noise is like.

Somewhere in the recent events of the day I remembered that I have not done any writing at all for a really long time. And so I am writing. Whatever is on my mind - just like I tell my students at school.

To begin, I went to see my Dr. again today and this time confirmed that I would not be going back to teaching for the rest of this school year. I am struggling physically and emotionally after a car accident that happened on Feb 6th. I walked away from the crash, and did not think I was hurt at all. However, I was in a little bit of shock, and by 9:30 that evening, I started to feel a lot of stiffness in my neck and a very sore right wrist. Much later I noticed a lot of pain in my hips, and all these things combined have ganged up on me. I am weak. I am ridiculously frustrated. I have attempted to go back to work 2 times and failed both times. So now, I am entering a rehabilitation program to heal my body, as well as my mind and spirit. I am not the kind of person who stops for myself. My job and my family have always come first, and sadly, in that order. I have not had - or made - any time for friends. And now, the Universe is giving me a golden opportunity to be self-focused. I am going to relish the opportunity.

The 5 seconds of silence are such a gift - and now that silence is extending into minutes as the kids have left the house to go biking. I am surrounded in noise in everything I do. Positive, creative, NOISE! I realize that there is a lot of noise in my head. So even when there is not a lot of activity around me the chaos of coping with the day and preparing for the next one rages around in my head. This is the first time that I can remember not having to actually worry about preparing for anything - except maybe the next meal and making sure the kids are on time for soccer. But relatively speaking, that is a pretty small order.

I am breathing. I am listening to the thoughts order themselves and quiet themselves inside of me. I look forward to yoga, and meditation around the physio therapy and massage and chiropractic visits. I look forward to reading in the sun and walking in the trees (when I can walk without pain - and I WILL do that).

I have written. I will write. I have slowed to think and create. I will continue to focus on those things. I will sing. I will make music. I will...be.

Namaste.